As I sit on this dock watching another sunset go down without you here with me I wonder if I will always feel this loss of you not being here with me.  My family and friends have all said that it gets better in time but how long is that before it starts really to get better it has been almost three years and the pain of loss hasn’t went away if any thing it has gotten worse.  I’m just handling it better.  People say it’s time to move on and start living again I have been on somethings but not on others because I just haven’t figured out how to begin again.  I’m taking pictures, enjoying life but I’m still missing you.  I feel like a part of my soul as been ripped out and there is no way to get it back.

Life has certainly been crazy I can’t go backward in time to be with you because that is wasting my wishes and time living in the past and you couldn’t be there anyway because you have moved on to be where you’re suppose too be.  You are probably arguing with some official from the basketball or hockey league has I write this because that is what you would have been doing if you weren’t gone.

I know that your friends all miss you too.  Garry feels bad I think for both of us just like Mark does because you had to leave me on their birthday.  Garry used to talk with me when I saw him on Facebook but not it is on the anniversary of your passing when I tell him happy birthday and he ask me how I’m doing?  It is hard going out without you so I haven’t in Wichita at all.  Misty and I moved clear to Washington State to see if it would be any easier no it wasn’t.  Now because the cold is not good for my joints and it is causing a lot of issues Misty and I have decided it would be best to do something else.   Wish me luck I think I’m going to need it.

Without you is hard but I know I must do it alone if I’m going to ever get where I can go it alone.  Just know that you were well loved and so you are also well missed and mourned too. Take care my love and God be with you always.

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