What does being normal mean? Well first before I answer that let me tell you that being normal isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. It isn’t that hard to realize that normal isn’t for me at least it is more a state of mind where you do all the thinking as to what is next kind of thing…not a mental one.
According to the dictionary, Normal definition, conforming to the standard or the common type; usual; not abnormal; regular; natural. This definition is okay but it isn’t altogether the way I look at it but it is the closest I can find that I mean.
Now I’m going to tell you a story about what happened today that made me want to write this blog. My ex husband and his mom had to go to the doctor so I was cleaning the house, making egg salad, doing laundry and finally putting a puzzle together, while doing all these things I had this ideal which slapped me right in the face and so I’m running with it if I can. LOL The next part of the story began 4 years ago when Carl my husband passes away and he asked me to take his ashes to New Hampshire so that he could always have the changing of the seasons, and his favorite bar to have a beer every now and then. It has taken me till the day before this anniversary to get the request done. I went to the marina during high tide and put those ashes in the brink and by now he should be a day out of New Hampshire between the gulf stream and tropical depression Bonnie. He had an easy time of travel.
I feel like during the time Carl and I was together that I was taking all the things that we did together and didn’t do together for granted but the thing is I didn’t realize any of that stuff until today when I was doing my usual things. It really made me mad at myself and at him for not telling me or pointing out that he thought something might be wrong. Not I’m grieving all over again but not all of it but in this small area.
I’m going to make the best of this and I do know one thing and that is during this time of reflection I am glad that I took his ashes becauses it has given me a sense of purpose knowing that I have taken care of his last request, doing it to the best of my ability and I got him to the place where he wanted to be the most. One must always have a sense of accomplishment when you do something that is neccessary and also important at the same time even if that person is no longer here to tell you that they appreciate the effert for getting it done.
Well folks I even think that when I go back to putting my puzzle back together tomorrow I will be thinking that even that is NORMAL and a fun thing to be doing even when Carl is no longer here to help put the puzzle together. I will be enjoying for him and that gives me a sense of who I am and why I’m here.